Coming clean
I'm having a drunk day December 10th.
I know I don't have many readers but I want to admit something to you all. I've been lying. Not about anything I've DONE but about how I AM. Over the past couple of weeks I've been in a funk. I've gone out and done fun things like the bachelorette party, the wedding and the party at my friend's house last weekend. While I was out doing these things I acted like I was having a good time and in some way, I WAS, but deep down...deep down...I wasn't. I was pretending. I was putting on a mask. A mask to hide how I'm really feeling. It all started when I went to the bachelorette party. I have to admit it was a good time and a lot of work was put into it. It was there, looking around at all the little things that had gone into this party to make it perfect for the bride that I REALIZED.
I'm supposed to have mine soon. My friends would probably be planning it right now. Would they have thought of those decorations? Would they have gotten me that silly stuff to wear? Would they have done this? Or that? I wonder if they would have thought of...
I'm supposed to be getting married on December 10th.
The same thoughts ran through my head at the wedding as I sat next to my date. My new boyfriend. A great guy. A fantastic guy. And I felt guilty. I feel guilty. Last night he figured out what's been wrong with me the past couple weeks...no small feat considering we don't get to see each other every day based on the fact that he lives a few hundred miles away. But he knew. Just by the tone of my voice. December 10th is looming in the distance and he knows it. He understands. He's willing to let me talk about it with him. I can't. That would be wrong and I think he knows it too. But the point is, is that he offered.
He sure is a special guy.
posted by Leese at
7:33 PM
5 Comments:
Leese,
I can see how you feel! December 10th is not a good day for me eiether. We were supposed to be married. The only good thing is that it is my fathers b-day. I have been tring to get in touch with you and you eiether don't answer or you are not near your phone when i call. I think that Rob is a great guy and i am glad that he understands that you are upset! I want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with the way you feel.
Love always,
Don
11:09 AM
I can feel some of your pain; although, I've never been engaged -- i'm working my way to thirty. And if I remember back. I distinctly had a plan to have been married with kids by 26. Now at 28 almost 29, and unsure what I want, I'm absolutely befuddled by the plan and the reality.
I wish I knew why an anonymous Don who love(d) you is replying to this post. And what did he do to crash the wedding plans?
Rob does seem awesome; and perhaps YOUR turn is just around a corner. Give it a year and you may be that blushing bride and I'll have to fly out from southern cali and come meet a friend from the world wide web and help to wish her great luck in the future. And then she'll seat me next to some cute guy who smiles just right and there's no other way we would've met and we'll be married in just a year after that. And the serendipity of it all.... but there was no way to predict any of this.
Madd hugz. Madd Love. And you can be my Tier One too :)
12:06 PM
the only advice i can offer is to let the new boyfriend know how you feel. it's not wrong. the key to any great relationship is open communication from both parties.
*huggage*
8:50 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
5:47 AM
Well, let me start by saying that I don't think you should let anyone tell you what "state" you're in or what kind of relationship you have or should have with someone. You are the only one who knows exactly what's going on. So don't listen to the naysayers honey!
Madison - if it's her new boyfriend (please note the lack of quotation marks) you're so concerned about then maybe you should be directing some positive comments toward him (as I hear he reads this) rather than negative ones towards Leese.
6:09 AM
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