Pieces

It's really amazing how one person can leave so much behind. I'm looking around my room and all I see are reminders of Handsome Prince. There are pictures of him everywhere and I have a box chock full of memories...movie ticket stubs, a napkin from the restaurant we went to on our one year anniversary, a balloon from our first Valentine's Day together, pictures of him with my nephews...there's just so much. I looked through my photo album of party pics today and his face stared up at me from almost every page. The longer I think about it, the more things I realize I have to get rid of. The box full of blue Christmas ornaments I've been collecting since he proposed (we were planning on doing a Florida Gator tree with orange lights and blue ornaments...how cool am I for doing that?!?!) the picture of us on the mantle, and all the other little things that remind me of him. I can't keep that stuff around...it's a constant reminder. The hardest thing I've had to get "rid of" was my engagement ring. I had to put it back in the little satin box with the wedding band he was supposed to be putting on my finger in December. That little white box is now back in my jewelry box. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with it. My hand feels so bare...yet I can still feel it on my finger...like some invisible reminder of what I've lost. I just hope one day he realizes what he has given up on...

P.S. I love www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Sometimes it's better when they're assholes...

So, "drunk night" didn't go according to plan. Yes, a lot of people came...but it still wasn't what I thought it would be. I got the first couple drinks in me and was feeling pretty good. Well, then I went outside to talk to a friend and smoke. This friend was being very sweet and telling me everything was going to be okay...only to which I could reply that it wasn't. I'm not okay, I won't be okay for a while. I miss the handsome prince. A friend being sweet only made me feel worse. I started to CRY and actually had to turn away. I felt bad, here he was just trying to make me feel better and I only felt worse which, in turn, made him feel bad. I then went inside teary eyed and a new friend asked what was wrong...now this is a new friend...one of my friends just started dating him and he's one of the nicest guys you could ever meet...he was also being nice...trying to be understanding...but I told him he needed to be an asshole and call me an ugly bitch...weird right? Being mean to me at this point would have actually been better then trying to comfort me. How SAD...it's only a little before midnight and my drunk night is over...I really hope this makes sense since I'm still feeling it.

Moving On...yeah right...

Okay, so I just got home...I went out to eat with some friends tonight and I'm going out again tomorrow...planning on getting drunk since I have Monday off...just need someone to pick me up at the house because I definitely do not want to drive...I'm a safe girl. Amyhow, tomorrow should hopefully be fun, ANYTHING to get my mind off of what has been going on with Handsome Prince. I have wanted to pick up the phone so many times to call him but I'm not allowing myself to do it...I don't feel like getting into a funk and crying. Right now I need to focus on keeping my mind off if it...it's just SO hard. I still love him...I always will...I just want him back. There is just nothing I can do, it's out of my control. Wow, I sound like a big pathetic loser. Whatever, I don't care. I really should go to bed soon...I have to work an open to close tomorrow and get my beauty sleep for my night out. Later...

Handsome Prince

Well, it was good while it lasted...or so I thought. My handsome prince has gone away. He has decided that he no longer loves me like he once did. I'm heartbroken...in fact I am beyond that. I have no words that will express my emotions the way I want. None of you will get a sense of my pain. Just a short while ago I was engaged to the man I wanted to marry. To the man I still WANT to marry. But for the past 2 months he has slowly been chipping away at my heart...which is why I have not posted lately. I have become that girl...the girl that locks herself in her room and doesn't eat. All this girl does it get up and go to work...yeah, she puts on that happy face like everything is okay when it is really not. Which is why I have had NO energy to do anything lately. I have withered away to something I don't recognize. There is no light in my eyes anymore...it has slowly faded, they are now dull and lifeless...my smiles are no longer real. My. Heart. Is. Broken. Who knew I could ever feel such pain? I thought I had times before...during other break ups with other guys who I know now didn't really mean all the much to me. I don't know if I can feel as much pain as I am feeling right now. I wish I could be sarcastic about this and make myself out to be a strong person but I can't. Maybe because I don't want to...I'm not really sure. Maybe I just want to be miserable right now and...gosh I don't know. I have no more tears left to cry but I know if I hear his voice I will somehow be able to find some again. I love him...I cannot help myself and I just don't know what to do. I am at a loss. Not sure when I will be posting again...